Category: thoughts

Coping System, Emotion, Life, Prose, Shorts, Sleepy time, Thoughts

Sunset

I. Ogunbase

​The time is past sunset now, the dark blueish tint enveloping the night sky above.

It’s a Sunday. Stereotypically evident, by the lack of cars on the road, and the orange glow of lighting in everyone’s home. It’s the day to cut back. Society would have you believe that should be a Saturday but it’s a lie.

Sunday is when you rest. Sunday is when you reflect.

In a few short hours, the subsect of the world of which it remains night goes quiet as the mind relegates to it’s battery saver state, preparing for the morning wake and the subsequent actions that follow. Clockwork really, as the body gets set back into its routine of making money and pretending to look busier than they actually are in hopes of making more.

Typical stuff.

When I was younger, I used to fantasise that I’d be sitting at the edge of a building, or beachhead or balcony, watching the sunset in the horizon. This…dream would usually be populated by close friends and a girlfriend, conversing, laughing, socialising and eventually being comforted by the silence of being next to loved ones, as we gaze into the distance of where our deepest dreams lay accomplished. The sunset would usually be in its earliest position, the orange glow bathing us in that warm hug of loving goodness, just before it dips below the horizon.

The sunset is different now. My fantasy having being transformed by life experiences, the orange tint is absent. Now? It’s just me at the edge alone, sitting with my eyes closed.

It’s relevance in being open is useless here.

After all, what’s there to see but the dark purple mix of warm and cool, painting the sky in the uncertainty of what the future might hold. I had once believed that my path onwards would be one taken together with a group of like-minded people, walking hand in hand.

My naivety has been cruel to me. I once led myself to dream that we’d all congregate in years time, together on that edge but even I knew that to be a lie.

Maybe it’s time I get up from the view before me and return back to the house.

Late Night, Sleepy time, Thoughts, thoughts

Musings After Dark 1

I. Ogunbase

It’s 3:21 AM.

Sometimes I wonder what would cause a man to stay up that late except for indulgence in nefarious purposes but currently, in my case… I’m trying to fix my PC. Of all the things in the world, it’s importance is little, but it remains a coping system, helping my mind to wander the dark recesses I leave untouched.

I’ve been meaning to pen my thoughts for a while now, but as you know… my mental debates rarely makes it on the white pages of my personal internet space. And man, have I talked. About random things too… From random debates on which [Bleach] character is the strongest to comments about the political, social and emotional aspects of the world.

Here I am, fretting about the working state of my computer while out there, somewhere in this cold and dreary Christmas weather, children are running with their parents, away from a life of blood and ashes. The internet remains awash with pictures of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, supposedly in reports of a split. President-Elect Donald J. Trump continues his ill-advised Victory Tour as he relishes in the era of lies, fake news and demagoguery that he has created.

As someone born in the 90s, sometimes I find it weird to reconcile that fact that not only have I gone through a drastic and steep change in technology, I’m possibly present at what could be the turning point of the world.

Tension is high between governments. Citizens are concerned about employment and job prospects. Refugees are hoping for a chance to live again, and not survive day to day, hand to mouth. The division caused by the era of hatred that Adolf Hitler created is suddenly being re-enacted.

Splitting hairs really, aren’t I?

People used to be better when I was little. I’m not so naive to think that the world was perfect, but as a race, we cared. We loved. We welcomed with some form of open hands. Or at least, I believe so.

But as technology progressed, it would seem our capacity for more emotions has dwindled. If we can’t share it on Facebook, or Twitter, or Instagram, or Snapchat, our interest in the matter severely reduces, except the brave few who go out to do the things we’re too coward to do.

2016 is coming to an end, and everyone seems to buy into the expectation that 2017 would be much better than this plot-twist of a year.

I find myself doubtful however.

Nonetheless, all we can do is hold our heads up high and march on into 2017, determined and ready for whatever may come our way.

it’s 4 AM.

I should probably sleep.

Life, Pain, Thoughts, thoughts

Falling.

I. Ogunbase

These last couple days have been surreal to me.

I had hoped that eventually I bounce back to some version of normality that would allow me to cope and adjust to the injustice that the world I live in seem to revel in.

I was wrong.

The rhetoric has been said, directly or indirectly, by many. It has been repeated by many, shown in movies by different characters, written in stories, drawn in comes and the reality of it all still hits true.

“The world is broken.”

As of this morning, I woke to the news that 5 police officers had been killed by armed shooters in the middle of what was supposed to be a peaceful protest. I pictured it in my head as husbands/sons/fathers leaving their houses to assist in the protest of a movement, only for the reality of the job to set in as they lay bleeding in the dark because someone, somewhere found their organisation guilty of something and decided they’d pay the price. It’s been hours since then but we mourn.

In the space of three days, 3 black men have been killed under questionable circumstances which re-directed everyone back to the reality that out there, there are numerous people who are, by default, biased against us because of the colour of our skin. Like a phone reminder so we don’t forget that we are not generally liked by the world. As almost expected, we rose up in our droves and protested, social media, physically, at the sights that we had been forced to replay over and over again, burning the images of the men bleeding out into our brain. The deaths feel too close to home. SO we mourn.

Let’s not even forget the Nigerian kill in Italy for defending his wife against a racist. (<<It’s a link… Go on and click)

In just a week, the world watched as Baghdad streamed the atrocity committed at the end of their fast. Bodies strewn around like confetti as we had to realise, once again, that life is fleeting. Families torn apart at the whims of others because they want to get an ideal across that is contrary to what is current. So the hate spreads, deeply ingrained into the hearts of man as tears roll down the faces of the afflicted. The rhetoric that a specific religion was responsible for heinous crimes, proven once more to be untrue. Our hearts fall heavily, as we mourn.

These last couple days have been surreal, so to speak.

I had hoped that eventually I return back to some version of sanity that would allow me to cope and adjust to the injustice that the world I live in seem to revel in.

I was mistaken.

As the years went by, realisation struck me in the meanest of ways, opening my eyes to notice that we, as a species, are becoming more and more divided, pulling away from one another because we want to “take our stuff back”. Our “countries”. Our “lands”. Our “money”. Our this and that, so we fight to break off in a world where we should be drawing together to fight off the evils in the darkness.

The internet is rolling as I speak, mud-slinging and tearing at each-other’s throat as the blame game is played extensively. It is always someone’s fault at the end of the day.

United we stand. Divided we fall.

…

I guess we’re still falling.

Sleepy time, Thoughts

Hello.

I. Ogunbase

Happy New Year, Folks.

I began this year wonderfully. New plans and goals and everything. So it’s been a great start to the year. Hope it has been alright for you guys too.

Anyway, just wanted to do a quick post.

10 days after the new year, it would appear I’ve hit my first lull of the year, and while it wasn’t brought on by anything in particular, it did spurn the following piece.

It doesn’t make that much sense to me yet, but I’m gonna share it 🙂

Here it is:

“Serenity sets in like a drop of liquid onto a still pond. The first touch, and then ripples, then stillness. 

There is rest. There is peace.

Till I hear my name called out by my Father, and the stillness gets interrupted. While accidental in his waking up of me, my body’s systems haven’t quite balanced out yet, so emotional landscape is in pieces.

I await the calm.

Nonetheless, my mind casts it’s net forth into the recesses of my thoughts for a distraction, a break from the current reality that had begun to seem mundane and came up short.

Too little a bait, or maybe too large a thought-pool.

I await the calm.

The raging thoughts of my mind continue on, spurned on my emotional lightning. Yet still, my face bears no trace of what I feel. I worry sometimes, that I can’t properly show what I feel, but then I get reminded how untrue that is.

Still.

I await the calm.“

thoughts

Thoughts

I. Ogunbase

I rarely ever know what I write about, except for the emotion behind the post or poem…which changes and ranges across the whole spectrum.

Sometimes, it works.
Sometimes, it doesn’t.

On some days, my emotions are as clear as day (not england weather day, but on the kind of days we dream off). On some other days, much like today, I get too many within me to be able to make a distinction as to what is going on.

Probably the closest to the most accurate thing that could describe this, was a slight joke made on by a close pal of mine, who stated I was likely to be in a (his words) ‘pre-mid-life crisis’ which was kind of funny, you know, thinking that one is having a prelude or rather a trial session of what some mid-life crisis might seem like.

I countered, He lol-ed…

Looking back now, perhaps he was right and I am experiencing a warped version of fate’s idea of a pre-mid-life crisis.

*shrugs and sighs*

With each word I put down, I suddenly notice there are a lot more things that I could say that would actually support his theory but I have this mental block that comes up, barring me from sharing deep personal thoughts with most people. It’s what’s stopping me now to be honest with you.

I’m not particularly happy with my situation. I’m not saying that being unemployed (for a period of time) is not normal, but being unemployed while everyone else seems to be ‘leaving’ the stage in which you’re in… That kind of situation is frustrating, and sometimes hurtful.

And then pressure a la family to compound on top of that, because somehow, they expect (especially african parents) you to be able to instantly get a job cos I got a degree. Don’t get me wrong, its not that they don’t know its hard out there…but they’d figure it should be ‘easier’ but it isn’t.

And that’s just one part.

Part 2 consists of dreams and plans laid into place, with step 1 existing without a failsafe. Suddenly, all those years of dreaming are beginning to fall away like dead skin cells.

Friends are achieving dreams, and I’m here without a clue as to what’s going on in mine.

I’m scared…that in the end, when all’s said and done, and I’m out of this nonsensical rut I’m currently in… That I’ll end up in a random job that I might not even like. With my dreams just being that; dreams.

Mind You :- it doesn’t mean one gives up.