I’m not sure if my readers will understand this post (not in any way, taking a shot at them… If it comes across as such, I apologise) but I’m going to write nonetheless, while still nursing a headache with a bottle of water.
I spoke about boredom in my last post and I think I’ve arrived at the conclusion that my boredom stems from not being motivated enough to continue what I do in my free time (and I use this word loosely, seeing as an unemployed guy like me is practically free all the time… at least that’s what I’d like to think). Why not motivated enough? not sure. At a point in time, I decided to push the blame on external reasons, you know,
but I just don’t know any more. I’d say it comes down to believing in myself or having someone believe in me, because lately, I don’t seem to have that any more. I’ve got so many dreams in my head that I can’t help but want to accomplish some of them… And dear me, do I dream big. But I’ve come to realise that people believing in you in general is actually different from people believing that you’d actually achieve your dreams… I’m not saying they would be against it, but its more indifference really. They’d believe you could make ‘something’ of yourself but would sometimes limit what the ‘something’ might be…
Being a recent graduate from a good university with some albeit good grades, the next best thing would be employment, job, money, house, wife and family. And from the POV of a normal well-to-do african family, its really all just in a middle-class mediocrity. They try and imbibe a lot of realism into you not because they’d hate to see you up there with the rich classes but simply because they know that the chances of you reaching the rich classes is greatly lessened by about 90% because of
a) skin colour
ergo, you’d either have to be ‘not black’ or willing to go through ‘unconventional’ means to achieve such a status.
So they unconsciously try to shape you into someone who will thrive well in the middle-class against all odds, while accidentally stemming your dreams before they even get planted.
I don’t blame them.
Life has been harsh and they can only teach us from what they’ve experienced, right?