You know when…

…You’ve been staying in a happy place and you’ve been holding onto positivity for so long that life seems gravy? And then someone intentionally comes and crashes into your positivity… Yeah. That.

Every once a while, I plaster a smile on my face and hide everything else behind it, because it tends to be a dark place. Pain, hurt, sorrow, you get the idea. When you make plans in life and they all just seem to be falling to pieces, and where you would have been depressed in the past, but instead you just keep picking it up and hoping and holding on. But it just seems to get harder.

Down to the issue at hand, I’m currently sitting in the same sitting room as my dad and listening to him complain to my eldest sister about me. About how lazy I am, and how irresponsible I am, and how unreliable, or unsure about my future or how I don’t want to do a masters or how I don’t want to learn how to drive or how this, or how that and I’m stuck here listening to it all. And last year, I’d probably be torn at the level of trust I’m ‘getting’ from him but I planned to always keep positive this year, which was going all well and good till this. Until this. At what point in life, do parents understand their children? Cos I feel like I need that milestone in my life. I have this dream in my head…and it is one of my ‘dreams’ (I’ll explain in a later post, maybe)…in whichmy dad and I will never be close enough to talk… And I mean, talk talk. Mostly, it’s just him talking/berating/ordering me and I’m just listening because ‘my opinion’ actually doesn’t matter.

He & my sister (the eldest) keep asking me what I want to do with my life, and no matter what I say, its either “I’m not listening” to them or something else.

I want a job. I’ve told them this, over and over again. I need the experience. I need the knowledge. But they want me to do a Masters Degree…

I mean, after being in school from primary all the way down to university graduation, you’d think they’d understand when I say I’m not in a rush to get a MSc. I understand though… Best to get it out of the way, while I’m young, right?
I’m going to list what I’ve been doing so far (most especially, this year)

I have;
Begun learning Java… Haven’t gone far, but learning nonetheless.
Started making an app with a few friends of mine.
Begun a game making project which is going on quite nicely
Begun (After much forcing) preparing for my theory test (driving lessons)
Been writing and putting together a series of poems of mine
Helping out in my church. I’m part of the sound department. And I literally tend to run the mixer & all… It is COOL! Like COOOOOOOOL


But it’s like none of these things are happening to him… It’s like he couldn’t care less that I’m actually utilising my time. As far as he’s concerned, if he doesn’t see me doing it, then I’m probably not doing it…

But I don’t know anymore.

PS: I do love my family. Always have. Always will.


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