Coping System, Emotion


It began from the music.

Spotify speaking as the subwoofer next to my bedframe interpreted it’s words to me. So I awake.

After four hours of an on and off sleep, I awake back into darkness. The sun had set over the horizon, even as the skies return to reflecting and filtering the colour from space. Space blue with variable degrees of dark and light, that one can’t help but marvel at the wonder. The clouds hanging in the sky, moving as the wind wills it across the heavens.

I feel my hand push past my body and reach blindly for my blackberry. It takes a few tried but eventually, my hand embraces the warm leather casing sheltering my communication tool.

My eyes open.

It takes a few seconds to focus.

The time read 20:42. It would appear my mind was right in its estimation. I feel my legs swing off the bed and touch the carpeted ground. I don’t remember registering the temperature.

I dropped my phone as my hands moved to autopilot. One wiping the sleep off my face as the other moved to hold my computer’s mouse.

I stopped. I returned to my phone.

No messages.

A deep feeling sinks in. My mind went quiet. I dropped a pin in hope of a response but the pin drop was louder than I expected. I touched my heart. It thumped slowly. Steadily. Heavily.

I worried about it so I question it.

– what is wrong?

• we are alone

– not really… we have (sister) downstairs as well as the parents. Not discounting the sister in Sheffield and your little nephew…

• you know what I mean, owner. We have no one.

I felt myself being shut out.

what about (redacted)? Or (redacted)?

I felt my heart groan in pain. He’s right. It’s not like I talk to them much anymore. Assuming we talk to them at all. Maybe he’s right.

Just to be sure though, I pick up the phone back with both hands and fire up two messages. I hit send and await the replies.


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