I am not quite sure on how to begin.
I have been thinking of how I’d be able to fully express the feelings and emotions I am slugging through, but I haven’t quite found the expressions or words to articulate those particular emotions.
But thoughts, thoughts I have aplenty. Thoughts I can give.
As life would have it, I have begun what would probably be final next week Tuesday, the path to relocation. London is currently roughly 2 hours away by train, as I stay snug in the remote area of Knutsford, enjoying the beautiful sights of just green grasses and snow.
From a peaceful standpoint, it is excellent. Apart from that? I don’t know. I still don’t know.
I had assumed that 2 nights in the lovely little cottage house at the top of the hill would have assisted in helping me formulate how I ‘felt’ about the place, but I’m still torn in that particular dilemma. I love/hate it.
Work has moved me up North to join the regular snow sighters. And after waking up this morning to a cold atmosphere and snow in it’s purest form, I can quite safely say I am not prepared for the Temperature change…yet.
However, it is far more than that. For the first time since I carried my suitcase to Sussex, excited on how much I was going to enjoy University life, I find myself carrying my suitcase to a part of the world I haven’t lived in before.
This time however, it isn’t excitement. It is anxiety. Back then, I was barely an adult, embarking on the journey to adulthood and ‘freedom’. Now, I’m very much into adulthood and while freedom was craved, it was planned to be when I felt ready.
I got thrust into it.
Sudden, and unprepared, I’ve started the daunting journey of being on my own.
Don’t misunderstand. This is what I’ve always wanted; to move out of the parent’s house and start preparing to be on my own till, I find the ‘Mrs’ and then “1+1=1” the life equation.
I am just not fond of sudden changes. I’m on a shaky agreement with normal changes as it is. Suddenness freaks me out.
Let me not even get into the “Maybe this is your calling…” aspect of things.
Might have an anxiety issue and start eating my surface 3.
Nonetheless, “One step at a time.”