Over the last couple months, I’ve lived, loved and lost. 

I’ve enjoyed a wonderful set of months that words don’t quite come close to explaining it. Ironically, I haven’t done much so maybe it’s the relative peace of mind I’m enjoying. And that’s coming from someone who worries a lot. 

I’ve loved and still loving, to be completely honest with you, the lady in my life has she has taken it upon herself to become the deterrent to my not so pleasant self. She’s awesome and I try to let her know everyday 

And I’ve lost. 

If you’ve stuck around to listen to the conversation I have with myself this has to be something that has cropped up over the years.ive lost friends, attitudes, some hobbies and some aspects of my personality I’m still not sure I’m supposed to lose, but methinks that’s a different conversation. 

That said. 

The future is more focused now and all I’m focusing on is the intensity of that which I don’t know. The uncertainty at taking the next step in a life journey without actually knowing what the step will lead to. 

Its like standing at the helm of a cruise boat staring at the possibility of a sunny trip, torrential downpour and storm, wondering where the steering my lead. 

It’s all confusing.  
All these information being absorbed and yet my mind can’t sift through fast enough to figure out my next plans. My eldest sister would argue and say I have no forward planning. 

Before I’d argue but now I’d agree, albeit in a rebellious reluctant attitude, but how can I have forward planning when I’m don’t know what forward I’m trying to move towards to. 

Society popularly teaches that the early 20s are when you should be unsure about the future as you try to find your feet, but I can’t help but wonder if that timeframe is extended. 

I know what I’d like at the end of the tunnel, but I’m left second guessing if it would be worth it. With everything else suddenly fighting for priority, would my destination at the end of the tunnel change? 

More importantly, is this how people’s dreams die? 

At the murderous hands of uncertainty and non-existent clarity?