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New Year’s Blues
Category: Prose
Chocolates
“Life is like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you’re going to get.“
– Forrest Gump, 1994
I used to think I liked all chocolates, then I grew up and got to test and taste out different versions of chocolates to start to develop some sort of taste preference. You know, sorting out the dark chocolates from the really dark chocolates. The difference between, say, one of Cadbury’s products and a trusted Ferrero Rocher.
And eventually, life stopped being like a box of random chocolates, but more of a chase to find the right box of chocolates to make things sweet. Like finding a needle in a bunch of haystacks.
Some of the boxes start off sweet, and then the more you eat through the box, the more the bitterness begins to fill your senses and you struggle to even remember the sweet beginnings.
Others begin bitter but you read the box labels and you know that there’s a sweet chocolate somewhere in it. You just don’t know when you’re going to get it. So, you eat through the box of bitter after bitter bites, holding on to that phantom hope that you stumble on the sweet bit, even if its just one bite.
Then, you have the boxes that are truly random. The rollercoaster box of bitter and sweet, sour and sugary. Every bite is a different experience, an emotional ride of whatever it is Life can throw at you. On some days, its just pure sweetness from the morning to night. And then on other days, its a straight week of bitterness. I mean, the bitterness varies and some days are better than the next but the taste stays consistent.
Life is like a box of chocolates. And I’m currently eating through one.
And it has been an experience.
Nostalgia, Part 1 of ???
I awoke this morning with the penchant to write something on here. As to what that ‘thing’ was supposed to be, I genuinely had no idea but I decided it would be worth opening up the blog in the first place and seeing where it led to.
And just as I looked at the title, I remember that I was watching an ‘old’ movie from years back that I really enjoyed even though by today’s standards it would be probably seen as mediocre.
Cue the lightbulb moment.
For the better part of this year and most of the last, I’ve come to accept that nostalgia is one hell of a strong emotional feeling. Heck, I believe its the driving force of most people firmly placed in the ‘Millennial and above’ block. Because, we just CAN’T stop thinking about the past and how supposedly good it was.
For this post, I’m going to focus on movies.
There was a point in time when we used to have a lot of movies coming out by the droves. I was young, I understand, and as such, using the word like ‘droves’ could be a mistake but regardless. To my young eyes, we had options. Dramatic movies, romantic movies, numerous action movies. All with dubious plots but we enjoyed it. We revelled in it.
And now, it’s somehow harder to enjoy the newer movies in my 30s.
Of course, the general argument would be the over-abundance of CGIs. Or that the scripts for some of these movies are downright poor (which holds some weight but it’s not like older movies were better). A certain sect of people would say its become too ‘woke’ which is more of an indictment of the kind of people they are.
But why?
Why is this a common thing now? Why is art enjoyed differently? Or rather, why do we prefer the older stuff more than the newer stuff?
I’m currently rewatching “The Forbidden Kingdom” which had Jet Li and Jackie Chan starring in it. I remember the hype building around it. Fans clamouring for the first on-screen pairing of the two arguably biggest martial art stars in the same movie. I remember counting down to the release because of the sheer excitement of it.
The movie released and while the plot itself was nothing to write home about, I loved everything about the movie. To be honest, it’s one of my favourite martial arts movie to date. I was young, I didn’t know much and my only worries were passing my exams and getting a good grade enough to attend the university of my choosing.
So maybe here’s my first answer.
Older movies were better because we didn’t have to think about much other than the simple stuff. The world wasn’t falling apart, we weren’t being inundated with the numerous evils taking place around the world.
Our worries were little and our ‘world’ was small, warm and cosy.
And for us? At that time? That was enough.
One Month Down, 11 More to Experience
January is over.
We are now in the lover’s month. The month of Romance, in the depth and breadth of the word. In any case, the year is moving fast and we have to move in turn to not be left behind. Because what is life, if not constant change?
In any case, February is here. We are in our second month, and I feel like this is when most start to feel like the year is progressing and their plans are not panning out like they said they would at the beginning of the year in their numerous resolutions. And it is something I think about. Something I feel.
This… idea that if things aren’t done in time, we are automatically behind and at risk of it never being done ever again. A mental block that most people will stumble on because we can’t help it.
For most, we cower in our fear and our supposed loss. We drink in our failures and spiral as our minds start to play the familiar record of “What’s the point?”. We watch as our peers march forward in confidence and we can only hope to become like them because we don’t think we are good enough anymore.
We forget that Life isn’t a race. And that there really is no worth in comparing our paths with someone else. And that, plans change and all we can do is change with it. That we must remain flexible to deal with the dynamic nature of Life.
It’s so very easy to say, much more harder to internalise and believe. But it is something we must do, so that we can take the next steps towards the journey we are all individually on.
To just take one more step forward, regardless of how things are.
That right there… That’s bravery.
TO MORE INTERESTING THINGS…
I say interesting, but it really isn’t.
I spoke about “Beta: The Hierarchy, Book 2” and my plans to get it out sometime this month and that is still on track. As usual, this will be self-published as well as I think I want to continue releasing this series like this for a bit longer.
I’m about 26 chapters in, with 4 more in the bag to write out, after which we start the rounds of edit and fine-tuning that I believe the book needs as I’ve seen a few things that need looking over, adding and all that ‘authorism’ (this is not a word) stuff. I do hope to finish writing this weekend, so that I can start putting things in place, but that is Future me’s problem.
All in all, the plan is slightly behind my personal targets but I’m going to push on to ensure I get it out so that I can prepare the next book on my list that I want released this year.
As usual, I hope your day and your year has been going well so far. Sound off in the comments if you want to catch up with me 😀
Serenity.
It’s only been two weeks (give or take a few days) into the new year and it’s been a relatively spicy one. Wars (plural for emphasis) are still going on, recession, economy is in the bin and Katt Williams decided to talk on a podcast which promptly set fire to my twitter timeline for a few days.
With so many things happening, it is so easy to get overwhelmed with everything all at once and suddenly shut down from the weight and supposed responsibility of it all. I mean, after all, isn’t it right for one to believe in the good of people? To believe that justice will prevail? That life has we know it will be alright?
An anecdote.
It was a late Thursday when I went for dinner with a friend of mine a few years back. A confidante of sorts, who helped me sort out my thoughts the way a therapist usually would (or so I hear). We sat and caught up from our university days, traded stories of love lives before settling on the woes of adulthood itself.
I remember lamenting to her about life and how tired I was about the things I felt and how it all just felt heavy on my heart. About my relationships with people, with things, with the general existential dread of adulthood and I remember her look at me and she said (paraphrasing here)
“You feel to deeply. You need to feel things lightly.”
“Feel lightly? I don’t understand” I asked.
“You don’t have to let things get to you. You can just let it wash over you. Hence, ‘feel lightly’. It’s not everything that you need to feel so deeply.”
–
I think about that moment more often than not. Because it posed a newer more relevant question to me which I have had to ask myself on a relatively consistent basis. What are the things to feel deeply? What are the things to feel lightly? How do we decide which is which?
“God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.“
To quote the Serenity Prayer. I find that in this life, that’s the way I’ve been fortunate to stay atop of it all. The world is and has always been complex. We can only hope to do what we can.
Hi All! Another Derby Blogpost
It’s been a week since my last post and it feels good to feel like there’s some sort of consistency to posting once more. So, I’m going to try and keep that same energy moving forward, in the midst of all the numerous things I’m currently working on.
And what does that mean in the grand scheme of things for this website and my blogging habits moving forward? Hopefully, that I get to share more about how the book writing is going!
In any case, I hope you’ve all been alright and your week has been great.
For today’s post, just wanted to highlight a bit more on the derby. Partly because I took part (and I’m trying to get some extra traction because that’s always cool) but also because I believe it’s a wonderful event that deserves some extra love and attention moving forward. Which, interestingly enough, is something I should have been doing from its inception.
I’ve been reading through the released books as well and been very pleasantly surprised at the quality of work that the other authors have put out in this third iteration of the derby.
I’ve got a few more to go through before I start adding my reviews properly, so that no one gets to suss out my identity ;). I would like to hear what you think though.
Have you read any of the books on the list?
Have you seen anything that interests you?
What kind of genre do you like?
I would really love to hear all your thoughts. Anyway, to end this all… more work is going on Alpha’s sequel and I should have more to share on that book very soon. I have another book series in the works, passed through an editor and currently back with me for some more story work.
And I genuinely can’t wait to share more of it all with you.
Have a great week!
One Of Those Rare Thursday Posts…
It’s been a long time since I’ve had to write something other than a story or the occasional tweet but this has been coming nonetheless. I remember the times when I used to get ready to blog or muse about something profound but those days are few and far between… With the state of the world and life and cost of living and all that.
In any case, I’m back now. I’m here.
That said… Is there a reason why I’m posting today after such a long period of silence? Yes. Marketing.
You see… There was an idea to bring together a group of of remarkable people to see if they could become something more. To see if they could work together when we needed them to, to write the stories that we never could.
A couple of some writing folks I know created a publishing press and with that publishing press, they began something of an event that I have come to really love over the three years(?) that it has been run. And, believe me when I say its a lovely event.
Allow me to introduce you all to “The Inkfort Publishing Press’, Derby 2023”
So, what is this all about?
In essence, this is an annual event hosted by Inkfort where authors are challenged to hone their skills, practice their marketing, get some feedback, and maybe even earn a bit of money for their efforts.
Derby Authors get a random cover, with an illustrious anonymous pen name and then we’re given a set of time to write a story based on the cover, edit, publish and market to see how well we do. And now that the books are published (well, most of them), I’m hear to share them with you.
I took part as well, under a interesting name and with an interesting premise and I wrote a book on an interesting thing. I’d really be interested to see if anyone can figure out who I am.
All in all, the books are out on Amazon and some other sites, if you’re interested. But most importantly, you can check out the list of the books here on Goodreads
Does this mean I’m back to the random story and poetry slam I’m used to? Maybe… But let’s take it slow for a while longer. I promise to return in full.
Have a nice day and hopefully, a lovely weekend!
Sleepless
The room is cold. Harsh. Unforgiving.
But it’s safe here.
It’s home here.
Everything freezes in here. Left to hang in the air like unsaid words and unresolved emotions. It’s much better in the long run.
It’s better than the fires outside that are licking the frame of the door, begging that I open up so that they can engulf me in their responsibility.
In their warmth. In their potential for great things spanning countries and changing lives around the globe.
Their fire for making everyone around happy and content that I’m not a popsicle like the rest of them, but the rest of them are here and I can tell they are cool.
But this is better. Much better than playing with a natural energy source and watching it consume me. Why would I risk being burnt alive? What’s the endgame there?
Success or cremation? And they think I would risk it all for that?
So yeah, this is fine.
This is fine.
I agree my fingers might be numbing off from inactivity and the general lack of engagement for it’s better this way.
It means I won’t be able to carry anything after a while.
That said…
It is very cold…
Shot Glass.
Adrenaline and emotional pain, poured into a shot glass for your heart to drink.
You’d call it poison, I’d call it life.
Life, like the pound notes entering your pocket, but bleeding through the hole at the bottom as you try to pay the debtor for “one more day”.
Like the great staircase leading upwards, whose only requirement is that you step on the head and bodies of others to ensure there’s enough space for you to claim as yours.
You’d call it deplorable. Some would say “Competition”.
Competition as basic as who gets into work the earliest to bask in some sweet brownie points of being “ever ready” to get to work. Or is it the excellence in one’s field as they struggle to show that their work is worth taking notice off above others?
Or maybe it’s the “trying-to-1-up-you-by-showing-you-how-much-I-can-provide-for-you-when-contrasted-with-how-much-you-can-provide-for-me-” sort of battle, as couples hug in public as they joust in their individual mental landscapes.
Some would say its healthy.
Others would liken it to alcohol.
But after the first couple shots, the burning feeling in your chest dissipates as your body temperature rises from the pot of emotions bubbling underneath.
Words start to slur as words decide to stop lying on your behalf. Memories merge into an amalgamation of horror and fancy as you play the “What If?” game with yourself.
Then the world spins, and you taste the exotic dish of hard granite and dirt on your lips to pass the night.
And for a moment,
however brief,
It
all
just
stops
And then you awake.
[Sleepless]
I have to remember to release my breath.
I don’t want to die, I just want to sleep.
But the grip around my heart just tightens, as my chest heaves up and down. My palms are sweaty, and I find myself staring down the ceiling.
The once-white ceiling, now transformed into an artistic piece of daily worries, superimposed upon my inner insecurities. Fear being the curator, I’m seated at the exhibition and treated to a nightmarish tour.
I have to remember to breathe.
I don’t want to die, I just want to sleep
Forget my today’s worries and rest within the bosom of nothingness for the few hours I have between today and ‘tomorrow’
I just have to remember to breathe
I just want to sleep
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