I make my vow to you, under the sun and the skies, the moon and the stars, to be your forever witness.
Just like you are mine.
I say these words to you, in front of friends and family, well-wishers and passer-by’s, as an affirmation of my love for you.
Just like your love for me.
You are… the most significant person I know, my favourite celebrity, the smartest, the kindest, the loveliest person, who looked at me and chose me despite my faults and shortcomings, my sins and my ills…
You looked at me. As I looked at you.
You told me you love me And my love for you overflowed.
You are my everything You are my beloved. You are my life
“Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.“ – Forrest Gump, 1994
I used to think I liked all chocolates, then I grew up and got to test and taste out different versions of chocolates to start to develop some sort of taste preference. You know, sorting out the dark chocolates from the really dark chocolates. The difference between, say, one of Cadbury’s products and a trusted Ferrero Rocher.
And eventually, life stopped being like a box of random chocolates, but more of a chase to find the right box of chocolates to make things sweet. Like finding a needle in a bunch of haystacks.
Some of the boxes start off sweet, and then the more you eat through the box, the more the bitterness begins to fill your senses and you struggle to even remember the sweet beginnings.
Others begin bitter but you read the box labels and you know that there’s a sweet chocolate somewhere in it. You just don’t know when you’re going to get it. So, you eat through the box of bitter after bitter bites, holding on to that phantom hope that you stumble on the sweet bit, even if its just one bite.
Then, you have the boxes that are truly random. The rollercoaster box of bitter and sweet, sour and sugary. Every bite is a different experience, an emotional ride of whatever it is Life can throw at you. On some days, its just pure sweetness from the morning to night. And then on other days, its a straight week of bitterness. I mean, the bitterness varies and some days are better than the next but the taste stays consistent.
Life is like a box of chocolates. And I’m currently eating through one.
I awoke this morning with the penchant to write something on here. As to what that ‘thing’ was supposed to be, I genuinely had no idea but I decided it would be worth opening up the blog in the first place and seeing where it led to.
And just as I looked at the title, I remember that I was watching an ‘old’ movie from years back that I really enjoyed even though by today’s standards it would be probably seen as mediocre.
Cue the lightbulb moment.
For the better part of this year and most of the last, I’ve come to accept that nostalgia is one hell of a strong emotional feeling. Heck, I believe its the driving force of most people firmly placed in the ‘Millennial and above’ block. Because, we just CAN’T stop thinking about the past and how supposedly good it was.
For this post, I’m going to focus on movies.
There was a point in time when we used to have a lot of movies coming out by the droves. I was young, I understand, and as such, using the word like ‘droves’ could be a mistake but regardless. To my young eyes, we had options. Dramatic movies, romantic movies, numerous action movies. All with dubious plots but we enjoyed it. We revelled in it.
And now, it’s somehow harder to enjoy the newer movies in my 30s.
Of course, the general argument would be the over-abundance of CGIs. Or that the scripts for some of these movies are downright poor (which holds some weight but it’s not like older movies were better). A certain sect of people would say its become too ‘woke’ which is more of an indictment of the kind of people they are.
But why?
Why is this a common thing now? Why is art enjoyed differently? Or rather, why do we prefer the older stuff more than the newer stuff?
I’m currently rewatching “The Forbidden Kingdom” which had Jet Li and Jackie Chan starring in it. I remember the hype building around it. Fans clamouring for the first on-screen pairing of the two arguably biggest martial art stars in the same movie. I remember counting down to the release because of the sheer excitement of it.
The movie released and while the plot itself was nothing to write home about, I loved everything about the movie. To be honest, it’s one of my favourite martial arts movie to date. I was young, I didn’t know much and my only worries were passing my exams and getting a good grade enough to attend the university of my choosing.
So maybe here’s my first answer.
Older movies were better because we didn’t have to think about much other than the simple stuff. The world wasn’t falling apart, we weren’t being inundated with the numerous evils taking place around the world.
Our worries were little and our ‘world’ was small, warm and cosy.
You know… I started this year with the thought that I’d blog a lot more consistently than I did last year and after February, it’s almost like I forgot.
I mean, I didn’t but I might as well have, no?
In any case, we are past the halfway point of this year and to be honest, it’s been a better year than most even if it could be a lot better.
Life has been busy.
My mind has been occupied.
But I’m grateful that I can still wake up in the morning and at the very least, smile that my world is not falling apart.
THE CATCH UP
To start off with, “Beta: The Hierarchy, Book 2” is complete and currently being edited and reworked to fix some problems and add some dynamics I missed on my first write-through.
Like Book 1, this will be self published as well. I will be making a post about the ARC (Advanced Reader Copy) closer to when it’s ready for release.
I am hoping for end of September but I haven’t settled on a date yet. But it hopefully will be soon.
THE OTHER
The other book needs to be edited as well and prepped. It is my hope to publish that one through the traditional route but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about it.
I was advised to just self publish whilst querying for a publisher and I might still do that but I feel like I want to test out the traditional route even if it’s just this once.
Hopefully, that will also end well.
THE LAST
For those of you who enjoy my occasional poetry, I’m sorry that I haven’t woven anything into the tapestry that is the poetry section of my website.
To be honest, I’ve had a lot of material to work with but the emotions have been too current(?) to digest into words and rhyme.
But seeing as I’m here, I plan to return back to it. I miss it and it did help to unburden myself from emotions that weren’t worth carrying anymore.
There’s a certain taste to it A spice thats too much for any rational palate The kind of seasoning that ruins a dish.
Its grief.
There’s nothing quite like it Corrosive poison cycling through your heart The kind of stuff that silently kills
You’re grieving
And nothing anyone says captures it The sheer monstrosity of drowning in pain Sinking below the surface of ‘alright’ Thrashing, Struggling, Gasping for relief So a hand stretches to the dwindling light As hope whimpers its final breaths
I told myself, at the beginning of this post, that I’ll try to make this a short one.
Or course, it’s all in my head, so maybe it wouldn’t be as I think it should. In any case, it’s been months/years since I did a write up so it’s only proper that I do the needful…
First off, Happy New Year and all that wonderful stuff. I have been missing for the better part of the lockdown for hobby and mental health related reasons. I had nothing to write (specifically), and I was working on some gaming related work on the side which is turning out well, to be honest.
Nonetheless, as someone trying to carve out a space as a writer, being away for so long is a detriment to the long term plan so it is only apt that I do the needful.
Speaking of which, here are some announcements for your eyes.
1. Book two of the Heirarchy is in the works. I had a plan for it to have been published by my birthday but I failed.
2. I’m working on something else on the side. I can’t talk much about it because it’s existence is under contest rules so please bear with me.
3. I have half a mind to return to my newsletters but I’m planning on how to better implement it for the future.
4. My fourth book is in the edits and I’m hoping to approach a publisher for that so wish me luck.
And thats really it. I have something in my mind to discuss but that will be in a different post that goes up either later tonight or tomorrow.
You know… It has been a while since my last blog post and honestly, I shouldn’t be writing in the mood that I’m in. But, writing in an emotional state tends to be the best state in which I can make words make sense.
I need words to make sense.
2020 was and is supposed to be a different year. A different way of thinking, new moves, new life and the promise of something completely out of this world. Something I’ve been chasing since she said yes to me over the phone when I told her I’d like to date her.
The dream of a new house and a new car. A few books out under my name and some upwards movement with my life and that of those around me. Colleagues had plans in place, I had weddings to attend and one to plan even. There was a positive trend to the year.
And then. Covid-19.
Covid. Flipping. 19.
And all the heavy lifting that had been put in place from the months before… All the sweat and tears and frustration and stress of trying to pull everything together into a cohesive picture suddenly goes out of the window. The monsters and the burden that had been discarded down were suddenly back up as the scramble re-began and trying to pull it all together.
I mean, it’s not everyday that one sits to fight and survive a pandemic, even if the death stat is about 5% of total cases. 5.3% to be pedantic, really.
Still, the wedding is most likely going to be postponed. The vendors are back into negotiating stages. The house process is postponed. Stress levels are rising. Everyone is working from home and all of this…
All of this = Little Picture.
It’s the extent of the things that I can control, even if the control itself is nothing more than an illusion. A brilliant and sweet illusion but the faux control is still enough to give off the right amount of dopamine that is just grand.
And then, there’s the big picture.
A global pandemic.
Who knew all the years of watching disaster movies would end in us experiencing one? Real-life imitating fiction and we’re living in it in real-time. Right to the tip-top second.
The coronavirus, Covid-19, is spreading like a bad rash on a hot day and we’re barely keeping it back. The hospitals are overflowing with patients, everyone and their moms are getting sick and the unfortunate souls with outstanding health conditions are being forced to come to terms with what it means to contract the virus.
Countries are struggling to contain the spread, entire cities are trying to survive. Face masks are low in supply, the economy is having one heck of a wild ride and the sneaking suspicion that things will be a lot different when the virus has completed its cycle assuming, of course, that it completes its cycle.
Conspiracy theorists are filling the airwaves with half-truths and misinformation, looking for something or someone to blame. 5G is the current culprit as people attribute the technology to being capable of causing difficulty in breathing. I mean, I’m a tech guy but for all my research, I haven’t seen anything to attribute it to such.
Still, the false belief that it was 5G that kickstarted the virus has made its way on WhatsApp and Facebook and you know what happens after that.
Italy and Spain are battling the worst of it. USA is barely doing appropriate testing, along with their cousin, UK. The middle east is doing their best to sort out lock-downs while Africa (as a whole continent) is trucking on because (a) there’s a false belief that we’re immune and (b) we don’t have the testing facilities to prove otherwise.*
*Well as far as I know…
Nonetheless, I guess one of the best things to come out of this is the awareness of just how much the nurses and doctors all work to keep everyone else safe and sane. When this tale is over, I hope people remember them to forever be the heroes that they’ve shown themselves to be. More importantly, I pray that they will be able to be whole again when it’s all done.
All in all. Covid-19 has us by the privates and it’s squeezing tight.
The Big Picture.
So, here I am… angry and frustrated at how my plans for the year have more or less been tanked. And feeling guilty because in the face of the problems I’m looking at, I’m intentionally ignoring the bigger issue of what the world is experiencing.
And even with the knowledge… Even with the realisation that nothing matters until Covid-19 is sorted out and a vaccine is found, I still can’t help but feel like the year has robbed me of what I had been looking forward to for years now.
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