Category: Life

Life, Random, Thoughts

Monday’s Random Thoughtometry

I. Ogunbase

The mind is a blank space.

Initially devoid of activity, as one is birthed into the world. Chaos as life is given to the newborn, the mindspace loses it’s blank innocence and gets subjected to the turmoil of numerous emotions and thoughts.

The product of love’s intimate passion suddenly feeling what it means to be alive. So it learns as it gets given an orientation. Male or female, the mind space takes shape. It changes as the body changes.

It learns as the body learns.

It grows as the body grows.

And down the line, the once blank space is filled and painted with experiences of years past. There is knowledge on the wall as the body that once knew nothing now knows something.

Not quite good, not quite bad, but then again, morality lies at the feet of the person in question.

—

I don’t know why I wrote the above bit.

I just felt like it, to be completely honest with you.

As someone who spends the bulk of time talking to themselves *points to self*, the above is an example of the random things I think about.

On a grander scale, it helps put things into perspective as to how humanity might be of the same species, but our likes and dislikes and wants and needs and experience make each and every one of us completely and utterly unique.

And yet in this uniqueness, the evolution theory will demand I put it down to the probability of chance and the result of two massive elements colliding together in an unnatural force of nature that eventually led to our births, millions of years after the earth decided to cool down and become a planet, instead of retaining its gaseous nature.

The likelihood of life, the calculations pertaining to the presumed ‘perfect’ nature of earth as to which to create life.

There are many things about us as humans and about the world we live in that we don’t know about.

I am of the personal belief that we are not meant to, the same way I am of the personal belief that there are some things we are better off not knowing.

The calculations for a nuke, for instance.

That is one knowledge I wish us, as a race, could forget.

Anyway, to summarise this random excursion into my mind;

– Each and every single one of us is unique and special, as there is no other us, than us.

– This world, the creation of it, is too perfect to be the produce of a random event, predating any recorded knowledge and resting on a theory.

– There are some things about us and this world that are still mysterious, some questions left unanswered, and my personal belief that we are not meant to know certain things.

– Personal opinion that there are some things best left as a mystery.

Life, Thoughts

Slow, slower, slowest.

I. Ogunbase

This year has been something of a wildcard for me, and even I must admit, while it has propelled me forward in the things of which I care about, it has also shown me just how much consequence can leak out from mistake, and better yet, just how much risk an action might hold.

Fun stuff.

in its own way.

And that is really just down to outlook on things.

I have learnt something new and important this year though. Very important. I mean, while it has been said before by certain wise people, this particular lesson holds no weight till it is actually put in practice.

And that lesson, is learning to “Take things slow”

I feel like that’s a universal life rule.

It has to be done properly, however, else it is a waste of your time and effort and the effect is of no use.

So here are my guidelines based on where I am at in life and what I’ve learnt so far (You can always add and subtract as life guides you on your journey):

– Take things slow when making decisions. You never know how far into the future you reap the full gains/consequence of whatever you’ve decided. It is perfectly okay to take your time to make your choice, as it is one of the rights we have as humans; to make a choice.

– Take things slow with things regarding relationships. You’re asking for someone’s heart (metaphrically speaking. Anyone who literally takes your heart is a murderer… You should call the police on the… oh. you’d be dead. Oops). You should be able to understand if they are cautious. At the same time, take things slow before even asking. Assure yourself its not a fleeting feeling you feel.

– Take things slow when answering people. Once words are spoken, they can’t be taken back. Don’t speak in haste. Take your time when saying things. Words can cause quite a lot of damage, even if it is not physical.

All in all, careful judgement is crucial, especially when one becomes an adult. It builds what becomes the foundation of your legacy.

Anyway, I think I’m done on that front. There is only so much heavy thinking one should have at any point in time and I think I have reached my daily quota… or at least, that’s the official story I’m going to hope my mind sticks to.

Emotion, Life, Thoughts

In Too Deep

I. Ogunbase

I fell in too deep.

I… I think for the first time in my life, actually no, second time in my…. my bad, I meant third time in my life where I’ve gone off the cliff, took a dive and hoped for a good enough splash to make some sense.

I think I fell in too deep.

Part of me wants to say I didn’t see it coming or how it was completely by surprise, but it wasn’t. It was going to be this way. I was going to take the leap of faith and somehow hope for the best. The confidence was usually based on some sort of feedback.

Right… too vague.

I fell for [redacted], and decided to confess, whilst battling something akin to a storm in my life. I figured then would be the best time to say it. You know, get it out of the way before other things come and take some sort of priority. Figured, at least, I’d have something potentially great going. The feeling was mutual.

But.

I don’t know why I assumed I’d be capable to deal with the “but…”, especially when I had fallen too deep into it. Everything past this point becomes speculation and heart politics, both of which I’m ill-equipped to deal with… until my instincts kick in.

I promised I’d wait for as long as my heart will let me.

But, I worry.

Emotion, Life

Yearning for Attention

I. Ogunbase

Everybody yearns for attention.

I believe the Human race as a whole is fixated on it. I believe it is the driving force, the motivation behind the bulk of our actions…

To be appreciated.
To be respected.
To be held in high esteem.
To be loved.

This is not a bad thing, by any measure.

So the bulk of us, spend the most of our lives searching for this, special attention that has been in our hearts and mind for such a long time, that it is the only thing we know. Some of us try and find all of it in different places; Love from the significant other, Respect and appreciation from work, Esteem from the community and audience at large… Others try and get it all from one person, or two, or best yet, a small group of people.

The ones they call “Theirs”.

After all, attention is really just attention.

As a result of this, you get the humans who have been lucky enough to be expressive in their beings; extroverts who aren’t afraid to be ‘loud’ in every aspects of their being just to fulfill their want for attention. Then you have us… Introverts who would also like some of this attention that everyone is getting but are too ‘awkward’ or ‘weird’ or ‘quiet’ or ‘etc’, that we can’t be loud.

So, we instead try to show it with our actions. We work the ‘graveyard’ shift just so that we might be noticed and that someone, somewhere would give us some attention.
That someone, somewhere will respect us.
That someone, somewhere will love us.

And when we get this…this, special attention, we give it back in full force. We try and repay what we get with all we’ve got because they’ve made us feel so special, that it is only right we do the same… right?

As a result, we don’t limit ourselves. We do everything deeply.

And sometimes, that ends up hurting us too much, even when to everyone else, it shouldn’t.

Sometimes.

Emotion, Life, Pain, Thoughts

The End of something…

I. Ogunbase

This little corner of the internet is dear to me.

It is where I can deposit some of my feelings and temporary store them in a place, giving me the chance to at least, attempt to sleep peacefully. Sometimes, it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

I have a secret (non-disclosure until further notice) that I have carried for a long while. I’ve managed to share that with few people but the bulk of it rested on my shoulder and I carried it. I hoped I could shoulder it long enough to plan towards the reveal to my ‘twin’ but fate moved ahead and determined it got revealed.

I’d say prematurely, but I’m years too late to claim that in court.

The short version is, I made a mistake and willingly put a skeleton in my closet.

The skeleton’s out now though, and it won’t fit in the closet anymore.

And normal life, as I know it, ends here…

I’ve been advised to prepare for the aftermath. And I don’t know how to do just that.

[proceeds to publish and close web browser]