Category: Uncategorized

Uncategorized
I. Ogunbase

longpetejackson's avatarJust a bunch of poems really...

This week’s first update is a poem about my native country of Nigeria. Now im not the typical African patriot, im not a huge fan of modern nigerian music, afrobeats, nollywood movies etc but i do believe if you look past the sometimes cringe worthy attempts at imitating western culture (especially in the movies) there is great beauty to be found as writers such as Chinua Achebe and Wole Soyinka showed us. Without further ado here’s my poem: Homeland.

(Picture taken from and courtesy of http://www.artseaprovence.com/category/art-2/some-of-my-older-paintings/)
Image

Amidst an urban twilight’s man made haze,
Of car lights which strived against the setting sun.
I arrived in the heart of an alien season
And paradise, home, i impatiently sought.

With prodigious expectations,
Smiles, embraces, familiar faces, I welcomed them all,
For truly she is the motherland, of tale and lore and song.
Whose imprinted insignia in skin is marked intricately with melanin,

View original post 249 more words

Uncategorized

Just A Thought

I. Ogunbase

It begins as a thought.

At a point, just like every journey begins with a step or art with a paint drop on paper, or music with the first hit of the piano’s keys… The thoughts begin… Suddenly, then, splashing round and extending itself like a painting of numerous thought branches, the first musical tone suddenly stretching into a musical masterpiece or a cacophonous tirade of loud music…

Headache inducing, it spirals out of control and becomes a hurricane of questions, answers, feelings, emotions and there’s nothing to stop it. It drowns and absorbs the other thoughts like a following of multitudes, gate-crashing the mind’s sanctuary of quiet and peace. Helplessness at the fact that your thoughts are suddenly beyond your control, beyond your reasoning so you succumb to them…

Give in to the madness of confusion it brings and let it consume you. So it complies… Burns through your mind boiling water on skin and there’s nothing else to do but accept the pain that it comes with. Amidst the cries and scream of anguish at the thoughts in your head, your teeth come together and grind upon one another… there’s nothing to be done… and as crazy as it all happens,  it suddenly stops and regresses back to the beginning…

It goes back to just being ‘a’ thought.

Random, Thoughts
I. Ogunbase

I have been meaning to write this out for a long while but I just did not get to it. The general excuse to be given would be that I have been busy… lol… I’m unemployed. I have way too much time on my hand to not be able to sit down and write out this experience of mine which sparked a thought-stream in my head for a few weeks (even till now).

Some weeks back, early December by my count, I got given an interview for a job I applied for. At this point in time, I felt like I understood what the job details meant but boy, was I mistaken. I mean, looking back now, I could probably have guessed what the job description meant but desperation can give false hope (hope and desperation… might write on that later on in life). ANYWHO, as I was saying, interview. The interview itself went well, about 10-15 mins of my life in which I ‘thought’ I had understood the basics of the job presented. I was going to be involved in marketing and outsourcing for clients and so on. And based on that Monday’s (?) interview, if they liked me, I would get called back to the 2nd stage the next day.

I got a call-back (^_^ )

And then made my way there again in the morning feeling like a potential working class citizen. The 2nd stage entailed me shadowing one of their workers as He showed me what the Interviewer (who was the owner btw) meant by outsourcing…which I then found out was actually Field Marketing.

Now Field marketing is an area of work I will avoid based on my personality. It varies based on what is required for one to do on that day. Nonetheless, it generally involves being sent out to a city/town/neighbourhood to market whatever the client wants to market… And as such, generally involves knocking on doors and trying to get people (who are often rude) to listen to your pitch and etc.

I am not the kind of person to be able to take so many “No’s” and “Fuck-offs” in one day. I am only human and I know my mental limits before it actually begins to affect me.

Anywho, I did shadow this guy and watched him work his magic and he was good at it. Amazingly enough, he was also training a new recruit in the art of marketing and on the breaks that we got, we spoke about dreams and aspirations and so on. And I was physically impressed.

Most of us then to have dreams and dream big but very few of us actually have a work plan… and by work plan, I mean, a roughly more detailed plan of what should happen, where, when and how to get there. The rest of us tend to use a very summarised version of a work plan…

education > work > money > dreams.

which I guess is not bad, but what I’m getting to here is that, its not bad to dream, but we should at the very least, have some sort of proper work plan, shouldn’t we?

 

Uncategorized

*Shrugs*

I. Ogunbase

A friend of mine noted something about me which sort of shook me for a few hours before my mind finally shelved it away in the ‘Deep-Thoughts’ section somewhere in my subconscious. And for that few hours (I did answer him kinda almost immediately but it stuck in my head, replaying like a bad cringing scene from a romcom), all I could do was think about the question being asked and whether or not I might have told him a lie.

“Why do most of your pieces seem bleak? like life is a drag…”

“I guess its cos’ I’m writing from inside out, about where I am or what I’m seeing around me”

Probably the most convenient reply I could muster at so short a notice but it got me thinking… Was that the reason why my poems sounded bleak? or Had I finally fallen to the nihilistic belief that nothing matters and as such life is a drag, etc? I kept replaying it, re-asking it, trying to find the true answer… the answer that, I don’t know, vibrated within my heart and my bones…

And I came up with nothing. So I questioned myself… went through my memories and had to draw up a mental score sheet… Was I being laid-back when that occurred or was I just going with it cos life’s such a drag? Is that why I had managed to get this far? Stay relatively sane? Was it the defence mechanism against all the insults and let-downs and snide comments and all of those things which would have affected me years back?

Now the thought that bugged me the most was…

“How do I or rather, Why do I still smile like everything is okay? How do I manage to keep getting up when sometimes it tends to look like there is no point in getting back up? How do I manage to keep moving on?”

My mind, on that thought-stream, gave me a one-worded answer that calmed me.

“Hope”

Hope… the emotional state which promotes the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one’s life…

In other words, somehow, I seem to be hopeful…

Somehow.

On a slightly positive side, I could boast to be an initiate of the Blue Lantern Corps. That would be swell, wouldn’t it? *shrugs*

Blue_Lantern_Symbol

“In fearful day, in raging night,
With strong hearts full, our souls ignite,
When all seems lost in the War of Light,
Look to the stars– For hope burns bright!”

#CheesyLifestyleRightHere

Uncategorized
I. Ogunbase

Turns out I have this thing about breathing that calms me down…

Not sure when I began it, not sure where I even learnt it from, but somehow, whenever I’m angry and my mind is raging and cursing nine ways to insanity, I force myself to stop and breathe… And I take 5 deep breaths, think about why I am angry, try to see the positive side of it all (however minute) and then I calm down…

The anger might still be there, but the breathing technique at least, gives me a clearer head to take my next action… which might have been stupid and unnecessarily extreme, had I remained in my rage mode.

Just saying.

Breathe.

Random

Fracture In Humanity: Voices

I. Ogunbase

The watch screams out loud; it being preset to speak out when the hour hand greets the “xx o’clock”…

Bed time.

Procession continues as daily wear gets exchanged for PJ’s and flip flops,
Body & mattress meeting together in an almost everlasting embrace,
With duvet sealing the union,
Sleep was practically guaranteed…

Guaranteed but not assured.

Sleep gets lost in transport,
And the mental release in form of the dreams gets denied.

And then, amidst the annoyance of rejection from the awaited release,
The questions begin,
Resounding with the mind’s empty space…

And it only gets louder

“…sigh… Is this how life was meant to turn out?”

“I mean, is this the goal?”
“What’s the aim?”
“What am I doing wrong?”
“Oh crap, have I texted her back?”
“Do I have to tell her the truth?”
“How about that other chick?”
“Should I show her my set of tricks?”

“Tricks? What tricks? The unemployment trick?”
“The dying dream reality?”
“What do you mean?”
“Life sucks!”
“Can’t deal, what the hell is this?”

Pillows used to cover ears,
Eyes tightly shut,
Mind attempts cleaning,
But the questions never stop,
Body curled up,
Teeth gritting against each other,
Angry body vibrations of annoyance,
The questions never stop

“…are you happy with your life as it is?”
“Was this including in the plan?”
“Should I probably, maybe, succumb to his game?”
“I mean, if I give him sex, would he give me his love?”
“Does love even exist?”
“Endless failed relationships, perhaps something’s wrong with me?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why me?”

The voices go on,
“Why me?”

Whispers go on,
“Why me?”

And in the moment it would take,
For the mind to register the statement,
The voices go quiet,
Reprieve granted,
Body relaxes as laxity takes over,
Position changed to counter restlessness,
Breathing slows,
Silences drags,
Body sleeps.

Random, Thoughts

Sight

I. Ogunbase

Cleared eyes delivering blurred vision, so my future is seeming to appear misty. Dimmed by the fog of despair, my eyes can only make out so much, but not enough to be able to claim that I see…

Cos I don’t see…

Crawling on all fours to the corners of my mind, sitting away from the apparent light, I hugged my legs and tittered back and forth. I was tired, I was stressed & I was sincerely losing hope…or so it seemed. I cast my mind back to when things were so much cleared, naivety being a strong reliable guardian as of then, irresponsible and useless as of now. Ignorance was bliss before knowledge convicted ignorance of being a murderer. Dreams being presented as a father-figure to aspire too, only to grow and get torn as to whether it was an illusion born from temporal paranoia or a reality that could be achieved. I digress.

Life had handed its card, and there’s a limit to how many times I can fold.

It could be argued…that maybe it’s time I start bluffing my way through it all, except for the important mental hiccup, that very clear tattoo of “yous a good child & yous won’t do bad now, son” plastered over my psyche like a billboard.

Gotta hold on, right?

 

Random

One Thing & then another

I. Ogunbase

Its usually starts with one thing…one issue, one problem, one phrase, one statement, one implication, one instance, one whatever…

You know I’m telling the truth… Of how you can be in the best mood ever and then that one ‘thing’ comes crashing like a meteor that you can’t dodge. Not even going to lie, life’s “one thing” has gotten crafty. Those kind of situations that you can’t even avoid simply because avoiding it is just a branch-off to another issue entirely.

I call those the morality traps.

Purpose of this? Nothing really. If I had a semblance of purpose, it would be instructing methods of solving, dodging and eliminating ‘One Things’

BUT

That’s not possible, sadly. Because then whatever solution that comes up will just lead to ‘another’ and ‘another’ and ‘another’. The truth I will admit though, is that there actually IS a solution to surviving one thing issues… It involves endurance (Endurance is actually a commodity these days… People can’t take it anymore)

Why endurance? Because endurance begets tolerance, tolerance sows patience and with patience comes wisdom.

You might not agree but wait & see.
You’ll see

Uncategorized

I don’t have a title for this

I. Ogunbase

Not sure on how I’m going to begin this, but I figured with the first letter on this page, it has already begun. I miss my mum…

I mean, well, I haven’t really spoken about my birth mum to people before so its kinda hard to talk about it like this. I have mentioned her, referenced her, but never really spoken about her before. And the truth is, you never truly get over the loss of the one you love… But you do learn to deal with the loss…

Nonetheless.

I’m going to write a short piece next based on my heart’s current condition…

“Mum…
I know that you are gone,
and I currently can’t follow, 
But I miss you.

I know its been a couple years
since that incident in which you were taken away,
Your love for God probably giving a preset destination,
But you don’t know how much I miss you…

I don’t even know how much I miss you.

It took a reminder from a friend of yours,
At a family friend’s wedding
Who recounted your good will
and good spirit,
Your kindness, love and nature,
That my eyes couldn’t help but moisture
at the fact that you’re gone…

You wouldn’t be there for Ebun’s marriage,
You wouldn’t be there for Titi’s wedding,
You wouldn’t be there for your only son’s wedding…

Never have I been unashamed to cry.

Your substitute, my current mum,
can’t replace you
But she has done so much for us,
That I owe her a thank you.

Maybe she’s the angel you sent
to take care of us in your stead,
So yeah,
I’ma tell her thanks and end that with a hug…

Not sure when next I’m going to write to you,
But,
I really do miss you.

Uncategorized

Transition

I. Ogunbase

It’s the transition from old to new that defines the changes we go through, and the growth we go through, maturing from what we were to what we are…or what we are going to be. And I dare say, its sickening when transition becomes partial, as we refuse to go from old to new on a few instances.

Let me explain properly, some things will forever be tradition, as tradition is sometimes inherently the build-up as to what we grow up to be, but when tradition becomes to hinder change or better yet, when tradition becomes a danger to the individual, then wouldn’t it be best to forsake such a tradition and embrace some new-ness (for lack of a better word) that would make things better?

It’s like bringing a bow & arrow to a gun fight, or choosing to live in a hut as opposed to a house because, one doesn’t want to forget their connection with nature… proper medical assistance forsaken for greenery and traditional herbs?

As in seriously, What. The. Heck?

Why forsake transition when transition could be the solution?